Truth

The truth can always be spoken. It should be spoken with kindness, but it can always be spoken.

I say this on a regular basis, in various contexts. It came up tonight in conversation with my friend, Kristine.

It continues to shock me that people have such difficulty speaking the truth. Why would you say "maybe" when you really mean "no?" You're just making it more difficult for the questioner, who doesn't have an honest answer, and cannot plan accordingly. Why be so cruel? If you mean "no," then say, "no." It's a very simple word - one syllable - it requires neither justification nor explanation.

Truth is such a rarity in our worlds that when we hear it, it resonates with us. You feel it, as well as hear it.

Can you imagine how different our world would be if the truth were always spoken in relationships, jobs, and politics?

Spontaneity

It has been more than seven years since Impulse Research Corp. released their study that found 78% of Americans crave more spontaneity in their lives. I have run across this statistic multiple times, most recently Sunday afternoon.

I'm guessing it's still pretty accurate, although the percentage may have increased.

If people really want spontaneity, why is it that it's hard to find someone to have lunch with on the spur of the moment? Lunch seems like a pretty minor investment of time and energy. If we can't be spontaneous on this level, how can we hope to do much more?

I've noticed it's often not an appointment that keeps people from being spontaneous, but some internal principle of what they "should" do. "Should" can include everything from mowing the lawn to washing the car, but it's rarely something that has to be done right then. So, some of these same people craving spontaneity are choosing to devote their time to chores that could be done anytime, instead of calling someone out of the blue to have some fun.

It's a good time to do something different, to be spontaneous.

It's Not a Giant Mango

No, it's not a giant mango. It's a small banana.

I went shopping tonight and found these - yes, small bananas. I'm a sucker for stuff like this, which is why they're now in the fruit bowl on the table. I haven't eaten one yet, but the bag they came in said they're sweet. You know Dole wouldn't lie to me, right? I'll report back on that.



I spent today working around the house, including packing away more Christmas stuff. A few people have asked what happened to all those ornaments I bought. Well, they're packed into plastic tubs, ready to be taken to the basement for storage.

Yesterday Greg and I went to Wichita to see Avatar in 3D. I love that movie. This was the second time I've seen it. I think it's the first time I've ever seen a current movie more than once. I'm not a big movie goer anyway, and can't think of a single one I've seen more than once when it was first released. I hope I'm not headed toward a time when I'm camping out for tickets to the sequel, and talking to a reporter with my face painted blue, telling them how many times I've seen the movie. I would like to see it in Imax, but that's where I draw the line. Really. Honest. Of course, it's definitely a large screen experience.

I could really use one more weekend day. There are lots of things in the house I need to take care of. I'm starting to feel good enough I can actually be up, moving around, for extended periods of time. As you might guess, when that hasn't been the case for two months, lots of things need attention. I am still not lifting much, and don't carry anything when going up and down steps, so many things are very time consuming. Getting groceries requires one bag at a time, carried to the steps, then into the house, then finally into the kitchen. All those little hops for each bag add up to a serious time investment. But, I'm thankful I can do it at all.

I did spend some time in the studio this afternoon. It, also, needs a serious clearing out. I started to pack up some things to take to Goodwill today and realized that I wouldn't be able to move them once I got them together. So, I sat down and played instead.

This week I've got some fun scheduled with friends, getting together for lunch and dinner, so that will be nice. It makes the week go by faster when there's some fun on the agenda.

January 8

January 8, 2009 was a turning point in my life. That morning between 10 and 10:30 my doctor's office called to tell me the test I'd had two days earlier showed a "suspicious mass." They wanted me in the office that afternoon for a CT scan and then a visit with my doctor.

I called Greg, who was still in Joplin after the holidays, and he rushed back, arriving while I was sitting in Dr. Wesley's office, but before he had come in. My doctor spent a long time with me that day, delivering the news that there was an ovarian tumor and no way to know if it was malignant until surgery.

I'm guessing it never gets easy for doctors. Here's a man who is generally seeing me through sniffles telling me I'm destined for surgery that may indicate my life will be ending soon. Of course he didn't know, any more than I did, what was really happening. Although, thankfully, he had done a CA125 level, which was normal, and that was a comfort. I could not have asked for a better guide through the process.

More doctor visits ensued and I found myself in the incredibly capable hands of Dr. Horbelt in Wichita, who operated Jan. 27. I knew when I visited with him the first time that this was the man I wanted working on giving me a future. Late the next day I got the word it was benign, which we decided is one of the most beautiful words in the English language.

So, yesterday marked a year since I found out about the tumor. It was on my mind all day as it started the last year's journey. Over the next couple of weeks this will no doubt be on my mind, particularly on the 28th - the day I got the word that it was benign.

I'm big on marking time with beginnings and endings. Yesterday felt like a day for closing the door on the difficulties of the last year. I went back this morning and read the blog entries from that time. In one of them I'm talking about how we never know what gifts come in disguise. I have certainly learned a lot in the last year. And there have been some real high points, too.

Life is a journey. Like all journeys, it has a beginning and an end. But 2009 wasn't my end.

Quote of the Day

"Thus, in a real sense, I am constantly writing autobiography, but I have to turn it into fiction in order to give it credibility."

Katherine Paterson


There are times when I'm writing here, or elsewhere, that I think fiction would be more believeable. Today is one of those days.

Friendship

Trish and I had yet another fascinating conversation at lunch today, discussing friendship and how to encourage people to share on a meaningful level. The best description I can come up with is that I want people to share something personal with me, something real, something about them.

I haven't figured out how to get people to tell me about them - not their children or grandchildren, not their jobs, not their posessions - but them... what they think and feel... what they've read recently that struck them... something meaningful. I'm not asking for everyone's deep, dark secrets, but I need more than chit chat.

When I find people unwilling to share themselves it's hard for me to build a relationship beyond a surface one. And I'm not really interested in a surface relationship. If I don't know who you are at your core how can I bond with you?

If I wanted to know about your son I'd invite him to get together. If I wanted to know about your job I'd come visit you at work. I want to know about you. You are enough. I don't need you to "fluff up" your conversation with other people and their accomplishments. You are enough. Just you.

So far I haven't figured out how to move beyond this fluff with some folks. I want the real person, not the ancillary people and events in your world. Just you.

Well, time for me to go turn on the electric blanket. It's frigid here. I have water running in the kitchen and will turn it on in the bathroom sink when I go upstairs. It's supposed to be 4 degrees at 8 a.m., with a wind chill of 20 below. I'm sure I'll feel it when I go out to warm up the car. Yikes.

I'm so thankful for a warm house. It's easy to take those things for granted because we're used to them. But, I'm thankful.

What a Difference a Year Makes

A year ago this time, I had no idea what was to happen. I guess that's true pretty much anytime, but of course when one has dramatic events it's human nature to use them to mark time.

On January 6 last year I went in for a medical test that would lead, two days later, to the diagnosis of an ovarian tumor. It set in motion a series of events that have culminated in yesterday's pronouncement by yet another surgeon that I'm healing well from yet another sugery.

I had no inkling I was about to embark on three weeks of wondering what was happening inside me and what it meant for the future, if there was a future. And I certainly had no concept of what the year would entail as I made my way back to health.

Greg said recently that he was amazed by my strength then - that I really seemed prepared to hear that I was dying. I guess I just didn't see any other choice. If you're told you could have a serious illness that may result in your death, and you have a few weeks before you know, you spend that tinme getting your affairs in order and preparing yourself.

I was very fortunate. And if I had to choose a "phrase of the year," it would be, "Benign is a beautiful word." I'm a very lucky girl.