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This is the barn on the farm where I grew up. As you can see, it is starting to fall apart a bit, as are many of the old barns around this part of Kentucky. After the storm the other night, more of it is gone, as it peeled away a bit of the back part, under where the roof is missing.

Greg took this photo last week when he was here.

I also love this one he took of Terrell Road.



I will leave this weekend to head back to Kansas. I have really needed these days with my family in this place that is home. Unfortunately, I've been really sick the last three days with a respitory infection. I haven't even dressed today, which is practically unheard of for me. I'm hoping the morning brings a much perkier Patsy.

Serendipity - Vita Sackville-West

How often does Vita Sackville-West come up in your life? Well, in mine she hasn't come up at all until the last week, and her name has popped up three times.

The first time was with a reference to her telling her "best friend," Virginia Woolf, "If I, who am the most fortunate of women, can ask, 'What is life for?' how can other people live at all?" While that's not the cheeriest of notions, Sackville-West was quite well respected. She was an English novelist who wrote, "The Edwardians" in 1930 and followed it with "All Passion Spent," which is considered her greatest work. (I use the quotes on "best friend" because they were apparently more than just friends.)

Now, this is one of those times when I could try to make you believe that I'm regularly reading Sackville-West's work, when I'm not enjoying a little light reading of Anna Karenia or something. But, honestly is the better policy I believe. I didn't know who she was. I think - maybe - I'd heard her name before - but I've never read anything she wrote and don't know much about her.

What is the opposite of "well read?" Would that be "ill read?"  I want to be well-read, and know lots of things about lots of things, but in reality I'm just muddling through like everyone else.

Of course, she has a wiki. I want a wiki. Is that the modern equivelant of Who's Who? But I digress...

When Sackville-West's name kept popping up I couldn't help but think about Carl Jung and serendipity. I remember the day I learned that word. I was in grade school and no doubt reading something that was far beyond my capability to understand and ran across the word. Just as the librarian, Mrs. Alberta Rascoe, had taught me, I went and looked it up in the dictionary. Of course, I didn't get the full Jungian philosophy behind it, but I knew it was a very cool concept.

One of the most interesting experiences I've had along those lines in recent years was one day when I had volunteers and in conversation, one of them mentioned when President Harding visited Hutchinson. She was a little girl and he gave her a penny. I listened to her story and went home a couple of hours later. My then boyfriend was visiting for the weekend and I asked what he had done that day. He said he'd just been driving around, looking at things. Then he says, "Why is there a statue of Warren G. Harding outside of town?"

OK... I don't know about you, but President Warren G. Harding doesn't just come up a lot in conversation in my daily life. In fact, I'm not sure he has ever come up - not even in the town where he visited many years earlier. Then he pops up twice in less than three hours. That's pretty unusual.

The fact that Vita Sackville-West has come up multiple times in the last few days makes me think maybe I better read some of her work. Is "All Passion Spent" something one can just pick up at the local bookstore? Or should I start with "The Edwardians?" Or yet something else?

Tornado near Charleston Missouri

I swear this year the blog is not going to be about weather. At least I hope we don't have another year like last year with Greensburg and flooding and ice storms.

But, here before the end of January, I've already been involved in a "weather incident" and I'm not even home yet.

I followed Greg to Sikeston today to eat at Lamberts and then he went on to Joplin and I came home. There were tornado warnings and I heard the interstates were at a standstill due to accidents. So, I turned by Boomland (a local landmark) and headed home "the back way." I was driving along and felt the wind pushing my car to the left and looked up just in time to see light poles less than 2/10s of a mile away bending and then snapping in the tornado/straight line wind/whatever. I threw on the brakes and make a U-turn and headed back to Boomland, the only building around, although it's a big metal building. I was right near a mailbox when I made the turn and thought... hmmm... I'm not sure I'm going to clear that but I'm not taking time to back up... I'll just hit it if I have to. I didn't.



I go back to Boomland and they're not taking it seriously at all. I'm like - people - poles are snapping and going up in pretty blue flames less than half a mile away. We should take this seriously. I'm not given to being overly dramatic about tornadoes, but this was worthy of some attention.

I made it home fine, and so did Greg, but it's what I would call a close call. If I'd been two blocks further down the road, I would have been pushed off the road, into a pole and/or the live wires.



After the danger was over I drove down and took photos and measureed the distance. There were six poles broken off.

And another view of the first one pictured here...



By the way, in the distance is a correctional facility, which could explain the two law enforecement officers parked nearby talking.

Extraordinary Life

There are times when daily life gives us the chance to be extraordinary. Actually, I think every day has that potential. But, when a loved one is recently departed it seems the opportunities are vast. The trick is if we rise to meet them. I feel a failure in that regard most of the time. But, of course, every day is another opportunity.

As one settles into the new reality, knowing that life will never be the same as it was before, you have to find your way into that new reality - make your place in it - make your peace with it. In some ways the fact that I live away from my family makes it harder - I don't have that support system. In other ways it makes it easier - the new reality is not "in my face" as it is for everyone else.

Regardless of the circumstances, we all find our way to cope, to make a new world, to move into the future while being mindful of the past. For me, coping means "doing" and "scheduling." These may seem odd, but they work for me.

Greg has joked with me for many years that I can be "such a guy" about some things. One of those is that I like to "do" something when faced with anything difficult. I want to accomplish something, do something, get something done. "Done" is one of my favorite words.

Today I had the opportunity to do that. I offered to help Mattie with thank you notes. I spent the afternoon working on them and we had a hefty stack by the end of the day. We still have a couple to write, but they're largely done.


Whenever I feel myself slipping into a depression, or not functioning as I know I should, I start scheduling myself. It seems incredibly simple, but I start making appointments for myself that require me to be certain places at certain times. Somehow that structure helps me cope. It gives me a framework in which to function.

One of my ways to work up to that, when that seems too daunting, is to get things on the calendar that are far in the future. I do things like make sure the monthly appointment with the Culligan man is on the calendar. Why is that helpful? I have no idea. The Culligan man and I aren't that close - we go many months and don't even cross paths - but somehow the idea that he will come every month is reassuring. It's there on the calendar. Life is going on. Things are happening - because, look, the Culligan man is scheduled.

We humans are funny, aren't we? We have all these little tricks we play on ourselves. But somehow they help us move forward.

Another part of moving forward to me is always being rooted in the past. Greg has been here a couple of days longer than expected - he was really sick with a sinus infection and slept almost 24 hours solid. Today he felt considerably better, although not perfect. But we drove over to Bandana to visit the hardware store that is closing. They weren't open but I snapped a photo of Arivett's Grocery Store, which hasn't been a store for a very long time. I can't recall ever having been inside it, but surely I was at some point. Regardless, I love seeing these pits of the past hanging stubbornly onto a bit of our future.



I also love this house with the tin roof, just a couple of blocks away.

Things Have Changed with Funerals

Things change all the time, and that's true with funerals as well. This week, as we buried my brother, Jim, I had an upclose and personal interaction with funerals. I wasn't involved in any of the arrangements so could look at things from something of an outsider perspective. But, of course, it was a funeral for someone I loved a great deal, so I was very aware of everything.



1. Something I think is a great innovation in the last few years is the picture board. I think these really add something to the event - giving a sense of the person over a lifetime. For those close to them they're reminded of events in which they participated. For others it's a way to give a glimpse of the life they lived.

2. People don't send baskets of flowers that go to the graveside nearly as often as they used to. Instead, they send things that will last - plaques, mementos, live plants, memorials, and even cut bouquets that are meant to be taken home. I was shocked at how few things covered the grave at the end of the day, because most of the things sent were not designed for that. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just something I hadn't realized had changed so much. Each remembrance is meaningful.

3. People still think "death portraits" are odd. It is a long standing southern tradition to take death portraits. I believe it was once more common all over the country, but has remained in the south. At one time, people would dress the departed and put them in a life-like position to make a photograph. This was at a time when people had few photographs made so it was all the more important to capture that person's visage - even if it was after they had departed.. It is something I've always thought of as perfectly normal - "the norm" in fact. I have photographs of my father, my mother, my grandmother, and various other relatives. I asked Johnny if it would be OK for me take photos of Jim and he said absolutely. I didn't want to do it if it would upset him. Greg took them for me. It's generally done by a friend of the family and provided to the family.

I considered putting one on the blog the night of the funeral because for the last year or so of his life Jim read my blog faithfully, and loved it when he was on it. But, I decided it might shock people to see a death portrait so I didn't put it up. Instead I shared the photo Greg snapped of me at the graveside. He took a series of them while I was there late that day. He liked that one because it's so odd - I'm moving and my whole body has motion blur, except my face, which is clear.

4. Music at funerals now includes a variety of styles. The funeral started with "When I get where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton. It was in January of 2006 that this song started popping up in my life with amazing regularity, and continued long after it was on the charts. I would flip the station and say to myself, "the third (or second or whatever) song that comes on will be important to me..." I'm betting that song has been the seond, third or whatever song at least four dozen times since then. Considering how little I listen to the radio, that's amazing. Jim hadn't even been diagnosed at that time, and I wondered why that song kept coming up. And I had no idea it would be part of the ceremony, but there it was. Again.

5. Something that never changes, I guess, is that every call, email, note and remembrance is meaningful..I have been so touched at the number of people who've emailed or commented that read the blog, or that I know from online groups, as well as those in "real life." I'm so very thankful for people who have let me know they're thinking of me, that they're remembering us in their prayers

In real life, it was Teresa who drove from a neighboring town to my house the day it happened, to see if I was OK. It was Terry who sprung into action to help me unload the van for the trip. It was Greg and Mark who started making arrangements to come to the funeral. And Greg is still here with me. I need him at the moment. I need that bit of "normal life" in my life here. Greg's mom loaned him her car for the trip, and I'm so appreciative of such gestures. He will leave soon to go back and I'm not ready for that. But, I'll just have to get ready.

All of us can do whatever we have to do - but it was easier having Greg on one side of me and Mark on the other during the funeral. They were here at my mom's funeral, too. It is at times like this that you know these are people you can depend on - they will always come through for you. I'm thankful. So very thankful for that.

When you're grieving you want to feel like the world understands your sorrow. It seems obscene to you that the world is continuing to turn, that people are going on about their lives, and yet you know it's essential. As Mama used to say, "Life is for the living."

It just takes some time to feel like being one of the living again.

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When I Get Where I'm Going
Artist/Band: Brad Paisley - with Dolly Parton

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

(Chorus:)
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

(Chorus)

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

Graveside

Jimmy Ray Terrell Funeral Arrangements

Thank you to everyone who has expressed condolences for my family. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated. A number of people asked about arrangements and I said I would post them here for family and friends.

Morrow Funeral Home, 376 W Kentucky Dr (Highway 60), LaCenter Kentucky

Visitation - Tuesday evening beginning at 5 p.m.
Funeral - Wednesday afternoon at 2

Burial following at Barlow, Kentucky cemetary

If anyone wants to send a card:

Mattie Terrell
PO Box 625
La Center KY 42056

Jackie and Mary Ann Terrell

Patsy Terrell