Quote of the Day

"Thus, in a real sense, I am constantly writing autobiography, but I have to turn it into fiction in order to give it credibility."

Katherine Paterson


There are times when I'm writing here, or elsewhere, that I think fiction would be more believeable. Today is one of those days.

Friendship

Trish and I had yet another fascinating conversation at lunch today, discussing friendship and how to encourage people to share on a meaningful level. The best description I can come up with is that I want people to share something personal with me, something real, something about them.

I haven't figured out how to get people to tell me about them - not their children or grandchildren, not their jobs, not their posessions - but them... what they think and feel... what they've read recently that struck them... something meaningful. I'm not asking for everyone's deep, dark secrets, but I need more than chit chat.

When I find people unwilling to share themselves it's hard for me to build a relationship beyond a surface one. And I'm not really interested in a surface relationship. If I don't know who you are at your core how can I bond with you?

If I wanted to know about your son I'd invite him to get together. If I wanted to know about your job I'd come visit you at work. I want to know about you. You are enough. I don't need you to "fluff up" your conversation with other people and their accomplishments. You are enough. Just you.

So far I haven't figured out how to move beyond this fluff with some folks. I want the real person, not the ancillary people and events in your world. Just you.

Well, time for me to go turn on the electric blanket. It's frigid here. I have water running in the kitchen and will turn it on in the bathroom sink when I go upstairs. It's supposed to be 4 degrees at 8 a.m., with a wind chill of 20 below. I'm sure I'll feel it when I go out to warm up the car. Yikes.

I'm so thankful for a warm house. It's easy to take those things for granted because we're used to them. But, I'm thankful.

What a Difference a Year Makes

A year ago this time, I had no idea what was to happen. I guess that's true pretty much anytime, but of course when one has dramatic events it's human nature to use them to mark time.

On January 6 last year I went in for a medical test that would lead, two days later, to the diagnosis of an ovarian tumor. It set in motion a series of events that have culminated in yesterday's pronouncement by yet another surgeon that I'm healing well from yet another sugery.

I had no inkling I was about to embark on three weeks of wondering what was happening inside me and what it meant for the future, if there was a future. And I certainly had no concept of what the year would entail as I made my way back to health.

Greg said recently that he was amazed by my strength then - that I really seemed prepared to hear that I was dying. I guess I just didn't see any other choice. If you're told you could have a serious illness that may result in your death, and you have a few weeks before you know, you spend that tinme getting your affairs in order and preparing yourself.

I was very fortunate. And if I had to choose a "phrase of the year," it would be, "Benign is a beautiful word." I'm a very lucky girl.

Healing is an Inflammatory Process

I went for a follow up with my surgeon today. Following is a rough repeat of the conversation.

Surgeon: Push your belly out.

I do... he pokes around and proclaims: "Everything looks good."

Me: Great. I'm still in pain.

Him: Healing is an inflammatory process.

Me: I'm in pain here and over here.

Him: Healing is an inflammatory process.

Me: Where is the patch, exactly?

Him: Here (as he spreads his hands in a circle over my tummy) but deep.

Me: So the pain could be from the healing of that?

Him: Those stitches have to heal. They'll pull. The patch is deep. Healing is an inflammatory process.

My Conclusion: All is well. The pain is normal because healing is an inflammatory process. I'll be in pain until I'm not in pain. When I'm not in pain anymore I'm healed. In the meantime I'll try to not do anything that causes more pain than the usual amount of pain.

Waiting For Someone To Ask

Once in a great while, if you're a lucky person and you open yourself to it, you are priviledged to experience something that leaves you changed. We all think about the big events, but sometimes it's a simple thing, a moment you had no inkling of when you got up that morning, that makes an impression.

I had one of those moments in April of 2008 when I attended a poetry reading by Kim Stafford, one of the four children of poet William Stafford, a Hutchinson native. William Stafford was the Poet Laureate of the United States in 1970, before the position had that title, and won a National Book Award. His portrait is part of a mural downtown. He's holding a page that says, "Any star is enough if you know what star it is."

William Stafford was incredibly prolific. He wrote more than 20,000 poems. He also kept a daily journal for 50 years.

During the reading Kim told us about the last conversation he had with his father. They were talking about events that had occurred in his father's youth, and his father told him the stories he was sharing were ones he had never told before. When Kim inquired why, his father told him he was "waiting for someone to ask."

That struck Kim - that his father, who wrote every day for 50 years, who had a daily practice of quiet time devoted to writing, had stories he hadn't told. Stories for which he had been waiting to be asked.

This has stayed with me.

Don't we all have stories we're waiting to tell? I tell one here every day, and yet there are still more to tell. Sometimes stories have to wait for the right moment in order to be heard. Sometimes that moment is when someone asks.

How many people around us have stories for which they're waiting to be asked? I'm guessing almost everyone. It would seem we have a nearly endless supply of stories, and yet so few are told because we don't ask.

Ask.

The New Year

A new year has dawned... a new decade, even. I hope it's one filled with happiness, health and contentment for all of us.

Every year, or decade, or sometimes even a day, has some good and bad mixed in. Rarely is anything all positive or all negative.

The decade just past saw the deaths of my mother, my brother, and two very dear friends. It included the end of a relationship with a man I deeply loved. It ended with a year that included two surgeries and much recovery.

But the decade also saw me buying my first home, building new relationships, and going into two different jobs at various times - both of which were perfect for me at the time. It also brought a deepening of some friendships and some defining moments I'll carry with me forever.

Friday night Greg, Sharon and I went to dinner, and then to Metropolitan Coffee to ring in the new year. It was nice to welcome a new era and bid goodbye to 2009. There were other folks there we knew, of course, including my friend, Jason, on the right in this photo.



I spent New Year's Day relaxing and taking care of some household chores. I'm expecting company in a few weeks and my house is barely livable for me - even downstairs - much less anyone else.

The upper floor of my home is off limits to anyone but me, but I try to keep the lower level functional. But, in the time I've not been able to climb upstairs I've migrated tons of things downstairs that I need - like clothes. Unfortunately, I still can't carry anything upstairs so I will have to ask Greg to haul things upstairs for me.

I'm trying to motivate myself to take the tree down, but thus far I haven't done more than put the boxes out beside it. I also need to pack away all the new ornaments. I bought some plastic tubs for those yesterday, and brought a couple in last night. I now need the others, but they're in the car and I'm not setting foot outside today. They said last night our high today would be 9. I don't do 9 unless I have to. Today I don't have to. I have no idea if that's what the temperature actually is. I can live with the mystery. I'm not sticking my toe out.

I spent a little time this afternoon making some lemon curd and scones.



I'm still hunting for the perfect recipe for each. Neither of these is it. Not that that stopped me from eating it nonetheless. Research, you see. These scones are more like bicuits, which is not what I want from a scone.

It was nice to use the beautiful Wedgewood teacup Jade brought me from her trip to England last year, and fix some of the tea Jamie gave me this year. It's not as wonderful as having tea with either of them, but it's a very nice feeling anyway.

I'm thinking I may round out the afternoon with a long bubble bath. I know, it's hard to keep track of the exciting pace of my life.

I hope your new year is off to a good start.

------------

Check patsyterrell.com for the blog, art, cooking and more.
Friend me on Facebook facebook.com/patsy.
Follow me at Twitter twitter.com/patsyterrell.

All text and photos on this website are copyright Patsy Terrell, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved. None are to be used without permission. Thank you.

Quote of the Day

When I rise up

let me rise up joyful

like a bird

When I fall

let me fall without regret

like a leaf
--- Wendell Berry

My friend, MD, posted this on Facebook recently and it really struck me. I love Wendell Berry. I know I've written about him on the blog before, so won't repeat myself, but I am always moved by his writing.

I keep trying to figure out how I can convince Mr. Berry that we should have tea when I'm visiting family in Kentucky. I don't know that he likes tea, and I'm much more interested in the conversation than the beverage anyway. However, alas, as of yet no invitation has been issued to Mr. Berry's Kentucky farm.

In the meantime I will have to content myself with his lyrical words.